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Posted by / 29-Nov-2017 06:59

The internet is full of stories about women being horrifically fat-shamed or harassed on dating sites, and yes, those stories need to be told. And at a certain point, I think they can become inadvertent scare tactics, frightening plus-sized women out of the dating pool.

So, I reached out to Marie Southard Ospina, journalist, style blogger, and beloved bad-ass of the body positive movement.

Man, they really drill in the message early with this nonsense: Maybe that’s why dating as an adult so often feels like a class we’re flunking. With rare exception, dating is considered a pain in the ass, but a necessary hurdle if you want to advance to the next romantic level.

And when you’re plus-sized (or if your appearance doesn’t conform to mainstream beauty standards in other ways), dating can seem fraught with even more challenges.

I think it can often come from liking something that you’re taught not to like.” The word “fetish” brings its own stigma, just like the word “fat.” Second, there is a distinction between a fetish and a preference — but in this case it amounts to the same thing. But brown hair is considered normal; it’s a neutral physical characteristic. “If your preference is something that isn’t conventionally attractive..can still be deemed a fetish.” In other words, fetishes and preferences are often conflated when it comes to things like size. Finally, even if you do encounter someone who identifies as a fetishist, don’t imagine they only like you for your body.

“It’s automatically assumed that if you have a fetish that is all you see in the person. Just as you are much more than your size, they are more than their fetish.

The majority of us fall outside the current concept of conventional beauty, yet the majority of us continue to couple up.

Confidence is like highlighter for your whole persona; it makes everyone seem charismatic and look as if they’ve stepped into professional lighting.

She’s also a seasoned vet of dating as a plus woman — as well as navigating a long-term relationship (she and her partner recently welcomed their first child; for the baby pics alone, you should check out her Instagram).

With her guidance I’ve put together a list of reminders to bear in mind when diving into dating, whether you’re new and nervous or experienced and tired of the BS.

It’s not a level playing field, and there’s no point pretending it is.

But having a larger body is not a deal-breaker — though it may seem so.

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The bad news is, dating always comes with a certain amount of BS, no matter what your size. “We know there exists plenty of fat shaming and fat biases in this world,” Ospina says.

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